So we did it my way last night. I mean the whole time, not start my way and then halfway switch to his way. I was in complete control. To be honest, I did it because my nether region needs a break from his ah~ passion? And because I was 100% sure he'd never done it slowly before. Boy was I right; I thought he was going to pass out from anticipation. It was great seeing him like that. If I'm telling the whole truth though, I could have gone for a bit of a rougher round after! But I was relieved that he liked it a lot.
I guess what I wanted to do was show him that a little self-control goes a long way and not only in bed, but in all aspects of life. He's been having a bit of a hard time with keeping his very explosive temper under control. I know he's been feeling unreasonably jealous about me talking to people, especially other guys. I know for some people that's a huge red flag, but you have to take into consideration both our pasts and how the people we were with before smashed our trust to pieces without a care. So, we both have our problems and things we have issues with, but we do our best to support each other and show that we can trust one another. Anyways, what I wanted to say was that he did cross the line a bit night before last by checking my Facebook conversation because he figured he knew who I'd gotten a certain opinion from and he wanted to know what I said. Now I have a history of agreeing with people I want to get an honest opinion out of, and I do say things I don't mean at all (which is awful, I know). So far in this relationship I've been 100% honest all of the time. This is one relationship I don't want to mess up and I'll do everything I can to make it work. And that means we need to trust each other. He used to trust me with out question and suddenly he doesn't. He doesn't know why, he's told me that he knows that he doesn't have any logical reason to but he's just suspicious of everyone and he thinks everyone is lying to him and hiding things from him and it makes him angry and confused. He's just so frustrated and he explodes at every little thing. Personally I think the reality of us having a child and the sacrifices and responsibility that comes with having a child is starting to set in and it's freaking him out.
I mean seriously, we're not old enough or experienced enough to have a child right now. I know that. i'm not going to be the teenage mom going "Yeah, I can totally do this. I'm prepared." I'm not. I can't do this on my own, no way. I'm seriously going to rely on my family as much as possible and already those who know are saying that they'll help me out as much as they can. Give me their kids old clothes and toys that they can spare (i.e.: those that are not too worn out!) and a stroller, things like that. I know that this is my best bet at not completely messing up and resenting my child. When it really wouldn't be their fault. They had no say in being made. So, I think as long as I remember that and keep it at the front of my mind when I'm down or frustrated, I'll be able to appreciate my baby more and not take out my frustrations by making it feel unwanted.
Understandably, this child wasn't planned and came as a complete surprise a few years too early, but I want my child to know that it's wanted and loved. I know too that at some point he (or she) is going to figure out that his/her mom and dad are a few years younger than their friend's parents. And then my boyfriend and I are going to have to figure out what to tell them and if they don't ask, I don't think it'd be a good idea to bing it up.
Though I think we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I guess what I wanted to do was show him that a little self-control goes a long way and not only in bed, but in all aspects of life. He's been having a bit of a hard time with keeping his very explosive temper under control. I know he's been feeling unreasonably jealous about me talking to people, especially other guys. I know for some people that's a huge red flag, but you have to take into consideration both our pasts and how the people we were with before smashed our trust to pieces without a care. So, we both have our problems and things we have issues with, but we do our best to support each other and show that we can trust one another. Anyways, what I wanted to say was that he did cross the line a bit night before last by checking my Facebook conversation because he figured he knew who I'd gotten a certain opinion from and he wanted to know what I said. Now I have a history of agreeing with people I want to get an honest opinion out of, and I do say things I don't mean at all (which is awful, I know). So far in this relationship I've been 100% honest all of the time. This is one relationship I don't want to mess up and I'll do everything I can to make it work. And that means we need to trust each other. He used to trust me with out question and suddenly he doesn't. He doesn't know why, he's told me that he knows that he doesn't have any logical reason to but he's just suspicious of everyone and he thinks everyone is lying to him and hiding things from him and it makes him angry and confused. He's just so frustrated and he explodes at every little thing. Personally I think the reality of us having a child and the sacrifices and responsibility that comes with having a child is starting to set in and it's freaking him out.
I mean seriously, we're not old enough or experienced enough to have a child right now. I know that. i'm not going to be the teenage mom going "Yeah, I can totally do this. I'm prepared." I'm not. I can't do this on my own, no way. I'm seriously going to rely on my family as much as possible and already those who know are saying that they'll help me out as much as they can. Give me their kids old clothes and toys that they can spare (i.e.: those that are not too worn out!) and a stroller, things like that. I know that this is my best bet at not completely messing up and resenting my child. When it really wouldn't be their fault. They had no say in being made. So, I think as long as I remember that and keep it at the front of my mind when I'm down or frustrated, I'll be able to appreciate my baby more and not take out my frustrations by making it feel unwanted.
Understandably, this child wasn't planned and came as a complete surprise a few years too early, but I want my child to know that it's wanted and loved. I know too that at some point he (or she) is going to figure out that his/her mom and dad are a few years younger than their friend's parents. And then my boyfriend and I are going to have to figure out what to tell them and if they don't ask, I don't think it'd be a good idea to bing it up.
Though I think we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
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