I don't even know

So I have no idea what I'm writing about today, but yeah, so I think I'm pretty much going to ramble on about nothing until I figure something meaningful to write about. Uhhh, we did house cleaning from like 10 to 12.30am... And I'm still up, but most of the kitchen is clean and stuff. What else? Oh, I like when my boyfriend cuddles with me and runs his hand(s) down my side(s).. Funny that I'm writing this cause he's laying right next to me and I could just say so. Anywayys~

  I really don't know what to say. I seriously have nothing to write about. At all. Writer's block on my life. I mean really. I don't do anything fun worth mentioning.

  Uh, I finally made it to school last night. Fist class 'cause I missed the actual first two. Gods, I forgot how long 75 minutes could feel like once you got tired. I have another class tomorrow night, at like 9.30 and yeah. I can't wait.

  No, I really couldn't care less, I mean, 1) I hate school, 2) School is boring, 3) I don't even go in to school, I just sign onto an online classroom.

Hateful Lover

How you smiled at me and told me I'd be okay,
When you hugged me it's like I was home,
The last time you kissed me, I thought I went to heaven,
Like the day when you skipped school to come and see me,
I thought, "Now this is a good guy."

How we hung out at the park and you told me about your life,
And I hugged you as you cried,
And I told you that you'd be okay,
The roles reversed and you just shook your head,
"No, it won't."

How I wished you'd stay even though it was late,
And my mom wanted you to leave,
And how you always knew how to make me laugh,
You were my rock, the strength I leaned on,
You said you'd always be there for me.

You told me you ruined my life,
But I was sure you were the best thing that happened to me,
I would never trade any of the memories I had with you,
For anything in the world,
Nothing was worth more than the good times and the bad times,
That we had.

I couldn't stand the sight of you, yet I longed to hear your voice,
I couldn't stand being with you, but I longed to feel your touch,
I couldn't stand the way you lived, and I wanted to make it better,
But it won't change the fact that I turned you down.

I stomped on your heart after you ripped mine out,
You lied to me, thought I was blind,
You didn't expect me to be the strong one,
You didn't expect me to come out at the top,
You didn't think that I would survive,
You didn't that I wouldn't be crushed,
You didn't think that I thought,
You didn't think I was me.

But here I am,
I've fallen for someone better,
Someone I want to be with,
He's the one,
You were the mistake.

No news

Don't really have much to say..

Sex is still fantastic.

Love my cat.

Love my boyfriend.

Living with his parents is fine.

I'm still alive!

Smiles~!!

Score!!

 So, I know this is supposed to be about my daily life and it's sort of starting to turn into a story of my sex life... Well here's something about my daily life.

  We're moving back in with his parents. We just can't afford the bills and only getting about $322 a week and paying $380 a month for rent. Plus we spend about $150 or so on food every two weeks. In a month he makes about what? $988, and then we spend $380+(150*4)= $980 on necessities, not counting our heating and electricity nor our internet/tv/phone bundle.. Therefore we really need to spend about $1200 a month and are obviously not bringing in that much. I cannot work here, cause like I said before, there's no work for me here. I'm trying to get welfare, but the government is being an asshole. Worst case, I'll try to get a job at the IGA down the street from my in-laws, where I'll be staying. On top of all this, we need a bed-frame and a new mattress and pillows, because ours are finished. We don't have a bed-frame right now.... The box-spring is under our mattress and under that we have a wooden frame covered with fabric and that's straight on the floor.

  I'm actually glad to be moving back in with his parents. They're pretty cool and I like them, we get along well and at least me and my boyfriend will stop feeling so sick all the time. We think there's mold in the walls or something, because as long as we're out of the apartment we're fine. When we save up enough, the four of us are going to rent a house (probably) and live there for awhile, so that we can save up and be better prepared to move out again on our own. Hopefully by then I'll be done school and will  be able to find a job in either Sherbrooke or Magog...

***

  Found something that drives my boyfriend crazy last night. I was asking him if he knew what he wanted me to do to him, and he kept telling me no so I told him to direct me. Tell me how he wanted me to touch him. He ended up saying he wanted a blowjob, which I don't mind, and for fun I told him he could't look. I didn't want him to cheat, so I took the blanket and put it over my head and from his waist down. As I started going down on him like I usually do, his toes started curling and his fists were clenching and he started breathing really heavy. Panting almost. He was groaning and pushing his hips in time with my bobbing on him. It was great; I mean, he's told me before that I'm really good at blowing him, because the last girl he was with would drag her teeth up and down, almost like she was eating corn! He said it was the most painful thing he'd ever experienced, and it didn't help that he hated her. But I don't think out of any of the girls he was with managed to get the much of a reaction out of him. He's usually so quiet, no groaning or moans or anything beyond heavy breathing really. But what I did last night, he loved. He said it drove him crazy being able to feel but not see what I was doing. It really intensified the sensation for him.

  I mean, I'm glad to be able to return the favor. He's really good at making me feel amazing, so the least I can do is do the same for him. ♥

Kama Sutra

  My boyfriend surprised me last night when I got out of the shower; he was online looking for the Kama Sutra so that he could order it for us to try! Which I find hilarious, considering I found a free online version that has 100 positions with detailed explanations on how to achieve such ludicrous positions..

  Personally, I would be amused to try out each individual position. You know, one day pick one and be like "We're doing this one tonight." Or tomorrow night, or whatever... I'm always up to try something new. I have a bit of a BDSM streak in me and we dabbled in that a bit. Light stuff, like restraints made out of bed-sheets or a tie or whatever, nothing hardcore like electricity or nipple clamps. Ouch! Though I'm still waiting for proof from my boyfriend; he claims to be able to bring me to the O by using only a feather and having me restrained spread-eagle on the bed. Please, the last time a guy told me that he could pleasure me using only a feather, he didn't tie me up properly and accidentally tickled my feet (which are extremely ticklish) and I ended up kicking him in the face and broke his nose. Oops!!

  Five minutes and he'll be home.. Yay, I get to race him in his video game - Midnight Club Los Angeles - I'm so going to lose. I can't race for shit.. I usually end up forgetting where the brake is or how to reverse and I either crash or get caught by the cops or with my luck - blow the bloody car up. Fantastic. I should let you know how it goes, I'm sure it'll be quite amusing for you.

  À demain!

Disappointed Again..

  So I got pregnant in August and everything was going well. I felt pregnant, and I knew I wasn't going to start my period anytime soon, which I didn't and then last week everything started going wrong. My back was hurting way too much and I had the WORST cramps ever. Now, yes I know, that should be a sign to go to the hospital but I didn't because I've had an early miscarriage before; that one at three weeks and this one was at five weeks. This time I'm totally devastated and my boyfriend is a little confused about how he feels because before we were together he was 100% sure that he didn't want kids. Seeing who he was with, I can understand why. I was with a complete asshole and I really didn't want kids either. Neither of our SO were fit to be parents. Personally, I didn't think I'd be a good mom and I didn't want to mess up and have a kid with him.

  Maybe it's meant to be. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a parent. Lemme tell you, that was a lot of blood, really gross. I wouldn't wish this on any woman. It totally sucks.

  Pour conclure, we aren't going be TTC, because apparently I can't carry a child past the first trimester. We're just going to y'know, have fun ;) And then whatever happens, happens. But the second I skip and the test comes back positive I'm going to the doctor. Hm, crazy talk from an eighteen year old girl.

***

  Hey! To update my other post, from the twelfth of August, Holy F$@! That's all I have to say. Y'know that weird variation of the missionary? That one where the girl is like lying on her side? The one where both her legs are on the same side? Anyways.... Yeah... That one's mind-blowing and for some reason since I got back from my little one-week vacation, our sex has been fantastic! Usually I get my O before he does which sucks, because his muscle spasms are fantastically sexy. But since Friday night we finish at the same time and it's the best. I love the feeling of us so together and the look on his face is extremely satisfying and hot. ♥

Night!!