Diabel, work & home

I think my boyfriend is allergic to the cat, because he keeps sniffling and his nose is stuffed and his sinuses are blocked. Poor thing, he's being a good sport and didn't say anything until yesterday. I could tell he wasn't feeling too well for a few days before, but since he wasn't saying anything I wasn't going to ask, not because I don't care, just because I know if he's really not feeling well, he'll let me know. Besides he hates doctors as much or more then I do. And I haven't been to see one in four years because I'll punch his lights out. Funny 'cause I'm not a violent person really. As I was saying, today after work today he wants to go to the hospital to figure out what's wrong. I seriously think it's allergies, that or a cold/fever coming on and the cat dander isn't helping.

  If I get a job and get out of the house, I know my slight allergy to Diabel would lessen. Now to print my CV two more times... Ah well, I'll do what I can with the one copy I have.

  The guy that lives in apartment number five is seriously starting to creep me out. He has to come down the stairs and walk by our front door to leave the building, but every time he leaves he'll pause and tap on our door. Same thing when he comes back inside. And he'll stop right outside the living room window and stare in at me. Now if he only did this once a day, I could tolerate it, but he does it five or six times a day. Creepy!! So I closed the window on the door 'cause you can take the screen off from the outside not the inside and then unlock the door. Do not want that. 

  My boyfriend read my blog last night, well I asked him if he did read it and he said he did sometimes, but hasn't recently. So he did and well if we keep progressing and working on our relationship like this, I don't see any problems in the future. It was a very unique "pre-evening" - to quote Sheldon - we watched porn together, well.... sort of, we kissed and nuzzled and talked about how with our exes there's no way we could have because said person would have a fit because of the actors (or so I'll call them even though they aren't) of the opposite gender in the video. Does that make sense? Whatever. And then when the video was over it was sex on the couch and then the kitchen table. And we actually talked, and lots more kissing, slow, sexy kissing up against the counter and while we watched a movie. So if I understood right, he felt a change in our relationship too, and we're both going to work on it, even though he's a live-in-the-moment kinda guy he does want me for the long run, and that takes an effort from both parties. We can do this I'm sure. :3

Relationship Changes

Recently I've started noticing changes in my relationship with my boyfriend. It's not that we love each other less or anything like that, it's just like he's tired a lot and I'm bored all the time and I sort of resent him for being able to get out and work. He's useful and it frustrates me because I feel useless staying home. Here there's no jobs for me, if we lived in an actual city/borough where there's like a Tim's or a Dollar Store, somewhere I can work! Here, there's manual labor (sweatshops) and uhm.... that's it. No place for me, I'm not able to do that kind of work. I can work with people, you know, like a waitress or a cashier. As my family says, I'm "delicate". Ugh~

  I wish that I could tell my boyfriend all this, but like I said before, he's tired almost all the time. Even though he says it doesn't change anything, I find he's less receptive to what I have to say. And I'm not complaining, let's make that clear. I'm grateful that he's working and supporting us for the moment. I think that it's stressing him out to pay our bills right now and his parent's bill for this month. I know I'm stressed and that sometimes I come off as annoyed that he's helping his parents out when I'm not; I think it's really nice of him to do that, and it shows he can be responsible.

  I know he noticed as well as I, that we kiss a lot less then before. And I don't mean full-on make out, groping, heavy breathing and all that. I mean like quick pecks in public and slow kisses in the kitchen. Even our foreplay doesn't really include much, if any, kissing. During sex either, and after well.... we've started retreating to ourselves and he'll get up real fast; so no kissing there either. Yesterday I discreetly mentioned it to him and we're both going to put in an effort to kiss more.

  He says we talk a lot, but about random stuff, which is true. But I think because of him being tired and me being homesick and all isn't conducive to good conversation. I can't really ask him how was work, because everybody knows he hates it. And I never have anything to say about my day because I watch cartoons all day and that's about it. I clean and uhm do laundry. Boring!! Example: When he comes home for lunch, he makes noodles and watches T.V. We don't usually talk past "Hello" and then sometimes he'll kiss me good-bye and it's either "Love you, see you" or "See you after work" and then after work... Well I dunno, we sort of talk. About what? I don't think we talk about anything really. I mean, no subject or anything.

  Now I really don't want to tell him this, but as much as we always switch it up, it's starting to be a bit routine. Always in bed, or we'll start elsewhere in the apartment and then end up in the bedroom. I want spontaneity, and more romance. I pretty much know exactly when we're going to and how it's gonna go down. I think it would be fun if he surprised me while I'm cooking supper and grab me and kiss my neck and push me up against the wall and we just kiss and let it go from there, y'know? ((I know, I know, what if the stove's on and supper burns? Oh well, then I guess we'll have sandwiches))

But yeah, I know he's tired and stressed, but I don't want our life together to be routine like that. Surprises are nice. I try to do the same, but he always shuts me down. And I know sometimes my timing is awful, like when he's watching T.V. or whatever, but his timing is weird sometimes too. Ah well, I'll talk to him tonight at the right time so that it doesn't come off as me being a bitch or needy.

Finally the guy's side~!

  ^ Just a link I thought was funny and slightly useful for both males and femalesThis link is no longer valid, sorry! :/

Fabulous fabulosity

I can't get up. My kitten fell asleep on my leg. I know, I know "just pick her up and move her so you can get up." But she's nine weeks old and has never fallen asleep on me. She fell asleep on my boyfriend's mom and on my boyfriend; but never on me. It's never happened and as much as it inconveniences me, I'm gonna enjoy this moment. XD

  Silly part? I'm sitting in my living room in a towel which has fallen around my waist and no I can't bring it back up because Diabel (kitten) is sleeping on the folds. I think though I'm going to get up at some point cause waiting for my boyfriend to come home for lunch would be a terrible idea; he'd most probably laugh at me and take a picture. And I'm getting a bit cold and hungry.

So I thought this was funny....

Wake Up!!!

Yeah, that's all (;

Is there really a problem with what I want to name our daughter?

  So my boyfriend and I were talking the other night and I asked him what if we had a daughter? Not what we want, but it's a possibility. Seeing as we already decided on what we'd name our son if we had one, why not plan ahead and chose for a daughter?

  I wanted her first name or second name to be a derivative of Emily (Emmy, Ema, Emmaline..), but I wanted two names if it was a girl. I find it sounds more sophisticated when a girl has two names, I do and so does my sister. My brother's lucky, he's got three. Two first names and a second name 'cause my parents couldn't agree on what his first name should be.. So he asked me what girl names I liked and I jokingly said I love the name Primrose. Which I do, a lot. Not because of the obvious connection people would make with the Hunger Games (which I am a huge fan of by the way), but because when I was younger there was this shade of purple/pink that was really deep and I fell in love with it right away and has been my favorite color since. I'll c/c a picture of the color for those of you who don't know what it looks like. But anyways, when I told him the name Primrose he laughed at me and asked if it was because of the HG, and I explained to him what I said above. He said that it was a nice name when you take it in that context and not **SPOILER FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVEN'T READ CF** connecting it with the innocent girl that gets blown up to hurt Katniss and break her. So, if we have a daughter her name is going to be Primrose Emilia.

  Sure, I think a lot of people in my generation are probably going to name their kids after book characters, especially those with a hardcore fan following, or those who are into multiple fandoms, but honestly if you take those names out of the books and into the world of reality, they're really nice, old-fashioned names.


  Sudden topic change: Probably going to see my best friend this weekend, well like tomorrow night till Sunday afternoon, and my boyfriend's having a party-kinda-thing and everyone's gonna be drinking, except me. I can't drink cause I'm trying to get pregnant. Not relevant, continuons, donc: I haven't seen +Chanelle in like a few months and I'm a little bit homesick right now. Actually pretty freaking homesick. I live right on the border and there's no one I know here. I don't have any friends or direct family up here, just my future in-laws, but I still feel so alone. Some days I'm okay, and I don't feel so lost; but recently I've been feeling more and more lost and alone. My boyfriend does his best, he's really supportive and understanding and I know that sometimes he feels guilty about taking me away from everything I've known my whole life just so he can be happy. Really, I like seeing him happy, it makes me feel like I'm doing something. I like to feel needed and useful because I've spent so much of my life being made feel useless and like a waste of space.

  And I had the weirdest dream last night: I had a son and I hadn't seen him since he was born and I was going to visit my parents and my Gramma was bringing my son over so I could see him and take him home but she came with my aunt and her daughter who was about two in my dream. As they're pulling into the driveway I realize that my son is three months old and thinks that my aunt and grandmother are his parents. It made me really sad that because of whatever I was doing with my life had prevented me from caring for him like I should have. I went out to the car to take him out and my Gramma tells me to be careful 'cause he's sleeping and then my aunt takes him into the house, totally ignoring me and acting like he was her son. That sorta ticked me off because we had made a deal; when the time came for me to take him back, that was it. But then I saw that all my cousins were also coming over and my uncles were there with their wives and I realized that it was probably for the best that they thought that my son was hers for now. After everybody left, my aunt took my baby and brought him into the guest room so he could sleep. I followed her and sat on the floor next to the bed so I could watch him sleep. She stood there and told me that she thought I was a terrible mother because I wanted to have a good career more then I wanted a child. Then she walked out. While I stared at my son I saw that he looked a lot like his dad. Some time went by I guess 'cause then it was supper-time and I got to feed my child for the first time since we both left the hospital. His eyes were a greenish-blue already. When my boyfriend came to pick me up, we stopped by my grandmother's to pick up all of our baby things so we could take him home. When I woke up I actually felt sad. There's no way I'll let that happen if I have a baby; it's my child for me and my boyfriend to take care of full time, no one else's.


A COLOR SWATH: PRIMROSE

Ugh~ Sick

So I've been sick since about Friday with some sort of cold, you know; sinus pressure, migraine, sore back, slight fever and exhaustion.. Plus my boyfriend and I offered to watch a friend's son until Saturday afternoon (but he only ended up getting dropped off at his grandmother's on Sunday afternoon, due to some drama and the parents not being "able" to pick him up because they "didn't have enough gas in the car" but had enough to go to the festival......), and this hyperactive boy is four years old, demanding almost constant attention and energy. He also ate most of our food, which was basically enough for two people for a week, and now we're running a little low on food and groceries only happen on Fridays when my boyfriend gets paid.

  Oh right, I don't have a job right now, only he does and I'm relying on him fully; something I hate. Thankfully he gets paid every week and that I do believe I'm eligible for government support so I'm applying for that and if I get accepted I'll receive my first cheque by about August first. That'll help a lot 'cause I'm going back to school in the fall and so is he, which means he'll be in school full-time for the next two years and not be able to work and I won't be able to work either.

  Hopefully this month is our lucky month, but no matter which way it goes, we aren't going to tell anybody. If it goes the way we want it too, we won't say anything until at least four months. The huge disappointment of last month was a lot to handle, plus everyone's added compassion just made it that much worse. I know that being in school and possibly pregnant is a terrible idea, but I've handled more demanding things while in school and I did fairly well, and that was without motivation. This time, I really want this and I'm going to do well no matter what. And by the time I finish my course my child would be around the age of one. But let's cross that bridge when we get there.

  Yay kitten~! I'm getting it on Sunday I think.. It should be old enough to leave its mother by now and we've got everything ready for the new addition to our family. Litter box, kitten food, sleeping area.. Only thing we don't have is toys and stuff. But that can come later when we can afford it. And my boyfriend is getting his cat sometime near the end of this week too. She's about a year old and will teach my kitten everything it needs to know.

Well I gotta go get do the dishes and get dressed. Got an appointment today~!

So I'm terrible at keeping a blog, like I said at the beginning. I will do my best to update you-all on everything that's happened since April.

1. I finally moved out of my parent's place. It was a bit spur-of-the-moment and mean, but I'm so much happier and less stressed. I've been living with my boyfriend/fiancé for about a month and a half now, but we only moved the two of us into our own apartment on Sunday. It's great, he works all day and since I don't have a job yet, I stay home and do the laundry and housework and stuff.

2. I went on vacation. Spent a week in Arizona to visit family and relax. I miss all my little cousins and my aunts and uncles. It was great to see my Papa (grandfather) after three years. We didn't interact much because I was always busy with the kids.

3. I got engaged. A few days before I left for Arizona, my boyfriend jokingly proposed to me with a Subway's 5$ cookie plate. I didn't believe him. Later that night he proposed with a container of toothpicks. I still thought he was kidding. But right before we went to bed I asked him to be serious and tell me the truth. I thought he was gonna cry, he looked so nervous. So he asked me seriously, and of course I said yes. Then the day before yesterday (I know, delay between proposal and ring is weird, but we aren't your traditional couple) I got my engagement ring. It has a purple center stone in the shape of a heart and two teeny diamonds, one on each side. I love it!

4. We are trying to get pregnant.... I think I had an early miscarriage this month which was depressing. We were so looking forward to having a little one. I've never seen him look so disappointed and down. It made me want to cry, I mean I was really looking forward to being pregnant too. But when the pain came and the weird blood, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

5. I'm getting a kitten! He's the runt of the litter and I can get him at the end of this month. He's grey and fluffy ♥ My boyfriend didn't want a cat; he wanted a dog. But his Gram showed him two of her cats and he fell in love with of of them so he's going to adopt her.

There, I think that's everything I've really done so far. I'll post up pics of my ring and vacation asap.