Out vs. Inside

Me on the outside
Listen to this as you read: Katrina & the Waves

I smile and laugh and pretend I'm okay. Happiness is what everyone sees on the outside. Everyone thinks I'm okay, not upset or sad at all. My life is going perfectly fine and I have no second thoughts or regrets. I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad, the second I show anything less than my regular perky enthusiasm I get "Why are you sad? You have a perfect daughter" thrown in my face. Yes I have a wonderful daughter, she makes me incredibly happy. Her joy brings me great joy, I cry often because I'm so happy. But that doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings about what happened with her father... We called each other husband and wife for crying out loud. This guy made me so crazy happy. Like a sunny, warm day on the beach. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, something I had never felt before. I had never had feelings this strong for someone. I have to be happy all the time, no room for sadness.

Me on the Inside

Listen to this as you read: Shawn Hook

I miss him so much it hurts. I haven't cried still. No one has asked me how I'm feeling or how I'm coping with breaking up with my boyfriend of three years, whom I lived with for almost a year and had a child with. Just because our break up is what's best for the three of us currently doesn't mean that I am positively ecstatic about what happened. I just want to crawl into a little hole in my comfy clothes and eat chocolate cake and frosting and binge watch Grey's Anatomy.

Bonus? Here's the song I used when I promised him I would never leave him:
Adam Lambert