Just last night I was talking with my best friend +Chanelle about how I wished things could go back to the way they were in the beginning. Publicly I'll insist it took a while for me to fall in love, but she knows and I know that by the end of that first date I wasn't interested in playing him. I had already started to love a complete stranger. Being with him felt comfortable, like your favorite pair of jeans and that old t-shirt that fit just right. I never pretended to be some one else with him, I never worried he was judging me. It was easy to breathe and move. Effortless to show love towards the other person. Like we were meant for one another.
And then things went south, I got pregnant, we started fighting, I kept coming back home to visit because I was afraid. It was awful. I was telling Chanelle that the couple we were at then end of our relationship wasn't who we really were.. And I believe that still. The angry, hurtful people we were when we broke up is not a good portrayal of who we were as a couple. I also told her that given some time and him being willing, I wanted to see if we could be that couple again, that happy couple.
But of course I was saying this wistfully, knowing full well that a break up is final and that such wishes were impossible. I have to move on in life, get past thinking I had found something I didn't believe in, a soul mate, and find my happiness elsewhere.
Then this morning I get a message from my ex-boyfriend saying exactly what I had been telling Chann last night (worded a little differently of course).. His words finally drew the pained sobbing I haven't been able to let out for the past month. I finally cried and it hurt so much, but now I feel better. I don't understand how such a coincidence could happen though. How could I have been saying something last night and him dream something that would make him exactly the same way and feel so strongly about telling me how he felt?
One conversation is making me question my entire existence.....
What a crazy world we are living in!
xx
And then things went south, I got pregnant, we started fighting, I kept coming back home to visit because I was afraid. It was awful. I was telling Chanelle that the couple we were at then end of our relationship wasn't who we really were.. And I believe that still. The angry, hurtful people we were when we broke up is not a good portrayal of who we were as a couple. I also told her that given some time and him being willing, I wanted to see if we could be that couple again, that happy couple.
But of course I was saying this wistfully, knowing full well that a break up is final and that such wishes were impossible. I have to move on in life, get past thinking I had found something I didn't believe in, a soul mate, and find my happiness elsewhere.
Then this morning I get a message from my ex-boyfriend saying exactly what I had been telling Chann last night (worded a little differently of course).. His words finally drew the pained sobbing I haven't been able to let out for the past month. I finally cried and it hurt so much, but now I feel better. I don't understand how such a coincidence could happen though. How could I have been saying something last night and him dream something that would make him exactly the same way and feel so strongly about telling me how he felt?
One conversation is making me question my entire existence.....
What a crazy world we are living in!
xx
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