I don't mind a clean break up. A mutual agreement to dissolve a relationship. None of this emotional, messy, weepy business... I hate that. Why am I saying this? Well, my boyfriend and I decided to end our relationship two days ago. Thankfully he's agreed to remain civil (maybe even friendly with time) not only for our Chickie but also because we don't want it to be ugly. We've experienced so much together it would be a shame to hate one another. We messed up, we weren't ready to move in together and have a baby, it put too much strain on all the nice things we did have together.
It's weird saying I'm single after three years, weird thinking that the people I came to be fond of are his friends, weird realizing that the place I had sort of started to consider as home is no longer an option to go to. I haven't cried, I probably won't either, I don't have the energy.
Maybe some time down the line we'll see if there's anything between us, see if we'd like to try a relationship. Of course if we try, we'll take it slowly like we should have in the first place, really not rush things and do it the way we should have the first time around. And if we don't have anything between us in the future that's alright. We have an amazing daughter and even if things haven't worked out well for us, the fact that she's here is the main source of joy in my life. No matter what I'm thankful to have her, she's brought light into my life in a way I never expected, makes every single day worth living.
I don't know if our break up is extremely mature or strange, it still feels a little surreal. I don't know how we can go from talking every day and sharing everything, at one point living together and getting to know each other so intimately to barely talking and being virtual strangers. It feels wrong but at the same time necessary. Like when you sprain your ankle and keep walking on it, do that too long and you've permanently damaged your leg. But if you take care of it, rest and give it time to heal without pressure you can slowly start using it again and sometimes it's stronger than it was before (Sometimes it's also more prone to injury, just not the point I'm trying to make ahaha).
Part of me is in shock, part of me is relieved to be able to heal. Who knows what the future will bring...
I know my Chickie will bring plenty of surprises!
It's weird saying I'm single after three years, weird thinking that the people I came to be fond of are his friends, weird realizing that the place I had sort of started to consider as home is no longer an option to go to. I haven't cried, I probably won't either, I don't have the energy.
Maybe some time down the line we'll see if there's anything between us, see if we'd like to try a relationship. Of course if we try, we'll take it slowly like we should have in the first place, really not rush things and do it the way we should have the first time around. And if we don't have anything between us in the future that's alright. We have an amazing daughter and even if things haven't worked out well for us, the fact that she's here is the main source of joy in my life. No matter what I'm thankful to have her, she's brought light into my life in a way I never expected, makes every single day worth living.
I don't know if our break up is extremely mature or strange, it still feels a little surreal. I don't know how we can go from talking every day and sharing everything, at one point living together and getting to know each other so intimately to barely talking and being virtual strangers. It feels wrong but at the same time necessary. Like when you sprain your ankle and keep walking on it, do that too long and you've permanently damaged your leg. But if you take care of it, rest and give it time to heal without pressure you can slowly start using it again and sometimes it's stronger than it was before (Sometimes it's also more prone to injury, just not the point I'm trying to make ahaha).
Part of me is in shock, part of me is relieved to be able to heal. Who knows what the future will bring...
I know my Chickie will bring plenty of surprises!
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