First, I'd like to apologize for what I'm going to do because my boyfriend isn't really comfortable with me writing about our private life online for people to read, but I've never used his name so if you don't know who I am then you don't know who he is. But I want to say I'm sorry before continue. This is pretty much a letter to him.
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To the eight year old you,
You might not have that 100% innocent look most third-graders have, but you still look pretty happy. Uncomfortable with having your picture taken, but still happy. I don't know what's going on in your life at this point, but nothing majorly bad has happened yet.
Don't tell me it's because you're good at hiding your feelings. An eight-year old might be able to partially conceal some less profound emotions, but not the ones that come from emotional I don't know, pain?
You are adorable and I still think your unbroken nose is cute!
*
To the fifteen year old you,
You really hate pictures don't you?
Plus your nose is broken!!
But you look so sad. I mean like you had real life smack you in the face so much harder than it should have. There is zero joy in your face, no hope, nothing positive. Were you having a bad day or something? It looks more than that. It's so much more, such a deep pain like someone broke your heart. It hurts me. What happened between age eight and fifteen that just killed your positivity?
*
To you now,
You still have that look on your face, in the way you carry yourself and how you care for yourself. You still have no hope. Why? Your life is so much better; you have a job, a really nice apartment that we're moving into New Year's Day, a girlfriend who absolutely adores you, and a baby on the way. Your life is good.
Now I know that maybe you aren't ready to share all of your skeletons with me and that's okay, I'm not asking you to share with me. I just wish I could understand, maybe I'd stop touching that nerve that I keep hitting that I never know what I'm going to say that is going to set you off. No you don't yell at me or make me feel like I'm doing it on purpose but you do this kind of silent treatment/cold shoulder thing and it hurts. I just wish you'd stop being so sad and negative all the time. And the other thing I have to tell you is if you don't like your physique or your weight, do something about it. I love you for you, but if you aren't happy with the outside of you don't settle! Don't just tell yourself "If this is what I look like there's nothing I can do to change it even if I don't like it." You can. And I think if you made the effort you'd be a little less down. Stop beating yourself up over your lost football career, get back on the horse, get back into whatever shape you wish you had or that you lost, I'll support you. You know I will. I want you to be happy with yourself, inside and out. Can you tell me how to help you if you want help? Please?
I love you ♥
*
To the eight year old you,
You might not have that 100% innocent look most third-graders have, but you still look pretty happy. Uncomfortable with having your picture taken, but still happy. I don't know what's going on in your life at this point, but nothing majorly bad has happened yet.
Don't tell me it's because you're good at hiding your feelings. An eight-year old might be able to partially conceal some less profound emotions, but not the ones that come from emotional I don't know, pain?
You are adorable and I still think your unbroken nose is cute!
*
To the fifteen year old you,
You really hate pictures don't you?
Plus your nose is broken!!
But you look so sad. I mean like you had real life smack you in the face so much harder than it should have. There is zero joy in your face, no hope, nothing positive. Were you having a bad day or something? It looks more than that. It's so much more, such a deep pain like someone broke your heart. It hurts me. What happened between age eight and fifteen that just killed your positivity?
*
To you now,
You still have that look on your face, in the way you carry yourself and how you care for yourself. You still have no hope. Why? Your life is so much better; you have a job, a really nice apartment that we're moving into New Year's Day, a girlfriend who absolutely adores you, and a baby on the way. Your life is good.
Now I know that maybe you aren't ready to share all of your skeletons with me and that's okay, I'm not asking you to share with me. I just wish I could understand, maybe I'd stop touching that nerve that I keep hitting that I never know what I'm going to say that is going to set you off. No you don't yell at me or make me feel like I'm doing it on purpose but you do this kind of silent treatment/cold shoulder thing and it hurts. I just wish you'd stop being so sad and negative all the time. And the other thing I have to tell you is if you don't like your physique or your weight, do something about it. I love you for you, but if you aren't happy with the outside of you don't settle! Don't just tell yourself "If this is what I look like there's nothing I can do to change it even if I don't like it." You can. And I think if you made the effort you'd be a little less down. Stop beating yourself up over your lost football career, get back on the horse, get back into whatever shape you wish you had or that you lost, I'll support you. You know I will. I want you to be happy with yourself, inside and out. Can you tell me how to help you if you want help? Please?
I love you ♥
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